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Right now I'm blogging because I just need a place to vent. Right now I'm terrified for Gus, and hopefully next time I post it isn't because I lost one of my boys. Yesterday he was drinking a bit more than usual, but just as grabby when it came to food. Today, mom came to me and mentioned that he was refusing to eat. He's oddly gained weight / mass, his fur is rumpled, he's lethargic, thirsty, heavier breathing than is normal, and no appetite. If he stands up he's wobbly, and sometimes falls over. When he's marking, instead of a nice long rub against something, he falls to the side as if he lost his balance. He's been asleep more than is usual, and won't chew his favorite cardboard toys. He just stays curled up in a little gerbil-ball under the bedding and is very sensitive to touch or movement.

We've tried to bribe him with all of his favorite foods - dried apple, dried papaya, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds... popcorn. He won't even take popcorn. This is the gerbil that doesn't care if it's health food - if it's edible, he'll eat it. If it's not edible... sometimes I think he'd still eat it. He loves his food. He's like Khan. So to have him turn away food is a huge indication that he's sick, as is simply the fact he shows it. Most pocket pets are very adept at hiding illnesses until they're life-threatening, because if they didn't in the wild, they'd be dead. So the fact he even appears sick is a huge indicator on how horrible he must feel.

I ran to the petstore this evening and bought some vitamins to put in the water. I put some in the water bottle, but I've also been having him drink from a dropper so that I know he's getting them - and it has a few more vitamins in it than I put in the water that the other two are drinking from. When I tried to separate him from the other two, he flipped out, and when I put him back in the others realized what I'd done and rushed to the tank and were clinging to it until I took Gus out and put him back in the tank. Then when I tried to pick him up again to check him a time later, George bit my elbow and hung on and Wes got in front of Gus and wouldn't let me pick him up. Only when I stopped trying to pick the poor boy up did Wes and George let me go. That also worries me - normally they wouldn't be that possessive.

So right now I'm trying to get bits of food down him and water and vitamins, doing anything and everything I can think of to make him better. I feel so useless - I can't even help my boy. He's so damn pitiful, it breaks my heart. And I also learned tonight how, when something really matters to you, price doesn't matter sometimes. I just got a $10 bottle of vitamin solution for the poor guy - something that could cost maybe $2 for a lot more if it were for a human.

I'd say that I know you don't really get it, but that's just it - everyone who reads this blog is either just as deeply attached to animals as I am and know exactly how I feel, therefore not having to explain the pain in my chest at seeing the poor boy so miserable and, most likely, dying, with me powerless to do anything. Or, you already know how deeply I am attached to my animals, particularly these boys that have been some of the best pets I've ever had, and you know I'd do almost anything for them. As it stands, depending on how he's doign tomorrow I might take him to the vet. I'm just not sure how prohibitive the price will be. But if I can afford it, I'm going to try and make him better. He's just over a year old - that's too young to give up without a fight.

I'm hoping that perhaps it's nothing more than, perhaps, bad constipation. It could happen. With as much as he eats, it could happen. But it's unlikely. We've been keeping him on a diet, so that's very unlikely. Could be a bad batch of food - but the other two are fine (so it seems).

So, as strange as it probably sounds to most people, keep him in your thoughts. I want him to get better. He's one of my babies and one of my friends, and I'm terrified to lose him.