Rats are a girl's best friend.

Well, went to the funeral yesterday. I talked to Robby Moser -- I'm so afraid for him. I hope someone's put him on a suicide watch. He's a prime candidate for it. It's frightening. I hope all ends as well as it can for him.

I sat behind Victoria (I was told to. By her mom. So I was stuck in the family section. Definately, in retrospect, not a good thing. He was cremated and his urn was in the front of the auditorium, next to his motorcycle. Victoria got up and spoke, and it was a lovely speech. I cried. A lot. And Robby had prerecorded his speech, and the playing of taps, because he didn't want to break down halfway through his speech. It was so heartbreaking. Parents shouldn't have to bury (or cremate) their children. They shouldn't ever have to do that.

I wore a black dress, and my shoes were complimented by many. That made me very happy. If I have to wear heels, I like it when people complement them. I think I looked pretty good. I went in to the HS before the ceremony to hang out with mom and the others, then after the service met up with mom for lunch. We went looking for hermit crab shells, and I got to hold several rats. Oh, they made me so very very happy. So very happy. I got tons of ratty kisses, and one of the babies fell asleep on me, nustled in the crook of my arm. Oh it made me so happy. Nothing quite compares to the love of a rat.

Have a few more apps to finish sending out, then I'll be done. I just have had no motivation for anything the last week or so. I've been too upset.

And I've lost interest in finishing this post. So, I'm done for now.

Later.

2 Hours

Well, I held it together during the entire visitation. Stood in line for 2 hours, then hugged Victoria for a long time, as well as her parents, then went and talked to the random ROTC people there that I still knew. Went out to Donato's afterwards with some of the people Victoria and I play DDR with. Then I came home and had a damn good cry.

Tomorrow's the funeral. We'll see how well I hold up then. I'm betting I won't hold up very well at all. If at all.

I also want to make a point to see his best friend. I should have said something to him tonight, and I didn't. I regret that immensely. No one will talk to him - he's being accused of involuntary manslaughter and weapons possession. He needs a hug. A big big hug. And tomorrow I am going to make a point to seek him out and see how he's doing.

I hope everyone has a better night than I am.

*whimper*

So, if for the next several days you wonder why I'm in a bad mood, sad mood, non-talking mood, this is why:

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/AB/20080103/NEWS01/801030392/

Daniel Ferraro died last night. Now, it was a stupid way to die. You don't go making pipe bombs to blow up an old wooden playhouse in your backyard, which is in the middle of a subdivision in a very populated suburb. You just don't.

But that's not the point. I knew him. He was Navy ROTC. He was in Pistol Club. He was my RA (and a good friend of mine)'s little brother. I have known him for a year and a half, because of all my navy classes. He was funny, witty, and just cool to be around. I always knew him as Ferraro. He was just a cool kid. He was also only 19.

This is the fourth Miami kid to die this school year. Two were hit by trains (both theoretically suicidal), one ODed on meds that he shouldn't have had in the first place, and now this. But this is the first guy I've known, and actually known, talked to, liked, and was generally good friends with, who has died. I've known others, yes, but it was a distant knowledge. Barely acquaintences.

Now, we're talking ROTC people here. They're a close knit family. I knew this kid. And I knew him well. I can see his face, hear his voice, hear his laugh, watch him play pranks. He was an amazing kid, even if he did do stupid stuff.

And I'm also good friends with Victoria, his older sister, my RA, and a good friend of mine. She's the one that taught me swing dancing can, indeed, be fun. She's dragged me along to dances, and convinced me to get out of the dorms (bless her heart). And now her little brother is gone. And I have no way to comfort her. And this hurts just about as bad. I know her parents, and I knew her brother. The only person I didn't know in her family was her little sister.

Visitation is going to be on Sunday from 4-8pm. I'm definately going, and for probably all four hours. I need to be there for them. I love that family, and I want to do all I can. The service will be at 10 am on Monday - I'm also going to that. They only live 10 minutes away from me.

I've been a complete wreck all day. When mom told me about it this morning, she didn't know that I knew him. But I've been crying and depressed all day. I'm just a complete mess. I can't focus, I can't concentrate, I can't do much of anything today. So if I'm not very conversational, I apologize right now. But I'm missing a great guy and grieving for his family and my friends. I'm not used to people I actually know really well dying. This is a shock to me, and I'm still trying to cope.

I hope everyone else is having a better day, and I will talk again later.

A sad, rainy day...

Today was rainy and cold. A perfect day for a funeral, wouldn't you agree?

My parents and I went to KY for the funeral of one of dad's friends' son. He was killed in Iraq with two other men on Good Friday. Although it may sound morbid, the military funeral was very interesting. It's also damn difficult not to cry when you see even military men crying. His CO (Commander) gave a speech - it was a true tear-jerker. This CO loved the man - he really was hurting that he was killed. I never thought I'd see a grown officer cry like that... he could barely speak. Then I looked over and all the other Sailors were sobbing into handkerchiefs. I did okay during the service, but then we went to the funeral. I did okay through the prayers, but once they played Taps, did a 21 gun salute, and folded the flag... -shudder- I was a goner. Not a dry eye anywhere. But it was.. amazing. THe precision of folding the flags, the 21 gun salute, the saluting the flags and coffin, the passing of the flag from officer, to enlisted, to officer (they did a slow salute every time), and the poor CO was still sobbing. All the Sailors were just a mess, but the CO was the worst.

His wife did a good job until the very end. His older sister was a wreck. His dad was pretty composed, and his mom was worse than his sister. And his little boy... his little boy was so cute. I don't think he quite realized that daddy was gone, though. He'd been deployed to Iraq three times already, his son was probably used to him being gone. Poor child.

Day is done,

gone the sun,

From the hills,

from the lake,

From the skies.

All is well,

safely rest,

God is nigh.

Go to sleep,

peaceful sleep.

May the soldier

or sailor,

God keep.

On the land

or the deep,

Safe in sleep.

Love, good night,

Must thou go,

When the day,

And the night

Need thee so?

All is well.

Speedeth all

To their rest.

Fades the light;

And afar

Goeth day,

And the stars

Shineth bright,

Fare thee well;

Day has gone,

Night is on.

Thanks and praise,

For our days,

'Neath the sun,

'Neath the stars,

'Neath the sky,

As we go,

This we know,

God is nigh.