Hockey Kitten

I'm liking that nickname right now. Leigh gave it to me. It makes me smile. An overview of our conversation, and highly edited and modified response, is as follows:


Me:
so i'm playing goal next monday
Leigh:
that is a good plan to avoid not getting knocked around
Me:
seems safer, oddly enough
Leigh:
well you're padded up for it well enough
Leigh:
it'll make you at least as big as the hockey guys without pads
Leigh:
so they'll still be bigger in theirs, but not so much so
Me:
they'll laugh as this little girl is there standing in goal for some wicked shots
Leigh:
and it may make it harder for them to score because every time they see you in the pads they'll go "awww"
Leigh:
like a kitten in a bucket kind of thing I'd imagine...
Me:
each time *I* fall they all ask if i'm okay
Me:
vs when a guy falls they just leave him
Me:
so i'm a kitten now?
Leigh:
naturally
Leigh:
haha no, kittens don't have sharp claws
- insert discussion about me playing as tough as the guys when possible -
Leigh:
well that counts for a lot
Leigh:
I trust it pays off from time to time?
Leigh:
even if you just get tossed most of the time?
Me:
well
Me:
it's gained me respect with the guys
Leigh:
I BET
Me:
i'm also one of three out of ...8? girls that wear actual hockey skates
Me:
the others wear figureskates
Leigh:
see, like I said more claws than a kitten has

- break-

Me:
but i'm happy
Me:
that i'm respected
Leigh:
yeah, go you!
Me:
i've made people pay attention to me
Leigh:
=D
Me:
they treat me as a girl, but not to the point they won't let me play, like the others
Me:
they... make sure i'm okay? but they don't let me have it easy either
Leigh:
that sounds like a pleasant middle ground
Me:
they won't even get near the other girls
Me:
besides the hockey one
Leigh:
I'm guessing usually when they ask if you're ok, you quietly tell them you are or something?
Leigh:
rather than "ack"
Me:
i'm usually up again before that
Leigh:
so yeah, pretty soon they probably won't even ask
Me:
i'm usually laughing and saying yes
Me:
well, they like to hit me harder than the others .
Leigh:
they probably feel badly because their training tells them to hit you before they realize it's the "hockey kitten"
Leigh:
oh so no then
Me:
they check me like a guy, but i'm not big enough to take it
Me:
so i go flying across the ice
Me:
from like red to blue lines
Leigh:
so yeah probably actually, they probably go "oh shit I threw her across there again"
Me:
that's how far i've gone each time
Leigh:
just don't collide with the puck and get icing called cause you're sliding
Me:
haha
Me:
he's not calling anything
Me:
even when someone got completely wiped out
Me:
he didn't stop
Me:
no offsides
Me:
no icing
Leigh:
oh wow
Leigh:
hardcore
Me:
no unncessary roughness (even tho it's an intro class)
Leigh:
so they're counting on you guys being reasonable
Me:
so we have varsity players beating the crap out of people like m e
Me:
i just give it back
Me:
..... as best i can
Me:
Corazón Salvaje has changed his/her name to "Hockey Kitten"
Me:
i'm soooooo sore
Leigh:
lol hockey kitten indeed



Other news. My attempts to be cool backfire. I figured I was doing well jumping from the hockey bench to the ice, I figured I could go ice to hockey bench. Yeah no. After thoroughly embarassing myself, I walked away as if nothing had happened and went in through the side door. If I were a cat, I would have taken a bath.

I also fell on my hip three times in 24 hours. Tuesday's hockey class - feet knocked out from under me. Fell on hip. Wednesday - went to a freestyle session before hockey (skating, with the jumps and all). Fell on hip. The same side. Went to hockey class immediately after. Got hit by teammate... yeah. I think you get the picture. Went sliding across the ice each single time.

Other news. I figure if you got this far (and yes I didn't put this first for a reason), I should probably tell you. My Jeep and I went off the road yesterday. I hit black ice on the Fox Highway as I was changing from the fast lane to the slow. I went into the side embankment (so lucky it was the strip of road that didn't have the concrete wall as the barrier). Managed to avoid the two or three metal signs that were literally next to me and in front of me. Didn't hit anyone. My car's okay. I'm okay. The gerbils are kinda pissed tho. They didn't have their seatbelts on. I was definately shaken. I couldn't help but think of everything that didn't go wrong but very easily could have. Someone stopped after a few minutes and helped me get the jeep out of the mud and snow and ice and freezing rain. Needless to say I didn't drive anywhere today. But I need to drive back to Oxford tomorrow, sooooo.... we'll see how I hold up. I don't feel like posting any more on the subject, because I'm still pretty shaken, but if anyone calls to chat or IMs me I'll try to talk more. No guarantees. Really going to depend on how busy I am and my state of mind.

Hmm, what else. I'm getting rejection letters right now. Not putting me in the best of moods.

We've had a couple inches of snow, and a LOT of ice. The poor dog can't even go outside anymore - she can't keep a grip on the ice. Poor thing keeps falling flat on her face. Dad had to bring her back in the house earlier - carrying a 70 pound dog is no easy task when walking on ice. Tomorrow is supposed to have freezing fog. >.<

Flower Hall, pretty clouds, and the moon:

Pretty clouds in front of Millett:




More pretty clouds in front of Millett. So much for my idea to get dinner, eh? Yeah, I got a bit sidetracked:




Flower Hall, again:




Lunar Eclipse - before the main event. Probably 45 minutes before it's peak:




The real deal people (Yes, the entire eclipse is there.):




Miami Property off-campus:




Part of a farm... that is no longer there... off Miami's campus (and right across the street from the picture above):




Alexander Hamilton:




One of the twins... times three?:




Me and my jeep. After going off-roading. In the ditch. On the Fox Highway. See? Pretty and muddy. I love muddy jeeps. I've been ordered to send it through the car wash before I return to school, however. I have lots of pretty muddy jeep pictures, for anyone interested. Close up, far away, more of my beautiful face, etc. I love my jeep. Even when it doesn't stay on the road. And could have easily killed me. Or someone else. Or some of the signs.




Muddy jeep window. Wet, cold, and highly-bundled up girl taking pictures. Namely, me:




Khan, being innocent and cute:




Jasmine, being ticked off like usual:




Darling Molly, with the grey chin and the current fear of ice:




Ice on the evergreen:




Ice covering the thorns and berries of the evil thorny devil. Much less dangerous in this state, however:




Some ornamental grasses:




Someone else's plant. But pretty with the ice:




Birdhouse in the garden:




Outside, with the ice and snow and pretty reflections:




Outside, again:



Hope you enjoyed the show. ;) Come back next time for more interesting tales.

PS. My thumb really really hurts. And there's no way to make it feel better. :(

Go for it.

Laugh at me. Make fun of me. Mock me. I don't give a damn.

I don't have many friends. I don't want them. You know why?

All they do is cause pain deeper than anything a stranger can do.

The more they know you, the deeper they know you, the closer they are to you, the more they're going to rip out your heart and cut it into pieces.

Now I remember why it takes me years to trust someone. Because then... then I assume they're not going to tear me to pieces. How ever wrong could I be. Those closest to you are the most likely to betray you. Kill you piece by piece.

Why did I ever learn to trust? WHY do people insist trying to teach that 'virtue'. It's meant to be broken.

One of the two people I trusted with my heart made broke it. So go on, laugh or mock me.

By time I read the comments or hear the words, my heart will be harder than stone.

It's safer that way.

Never did I think I'd feel what it meant to be 'broken hearted' because I never intended to let some guy break my heart -- I never intended to date anyone that I didn't think I could potentially continue to deal with and live with in ten, twenty years. Instead, I managed to have it torn in pieces by a friend I once knew, I thought decently well.

Damn it.





Damn it.

So go on, mock me. Mock the fact I'm a cold-hearted jerk. Mock the fact that I am friends with only a few.

Go for it.



But when I'm famous, and have these awesome fantasy books out on the best-sellers lists, when I'm teaching at that perfect school, when I'm famous and on TV, remember this:

I'm there and you aren't. Because that's all I can look after, really. Me, myself, and I. Because chances are, you'll ditch me too.

Just like everyone else.





Damn it all to hell.


Why? WHY?





Damn it all.

I'm faaaaaamous!

http://usspirates.blogspot.com

That should explain it. AHHH! Sooo happy.

I've been gone a lot since I got out of school - I apologize. I have been at 7 doctors in 11 working days. I have volunteered at the high school every wednesday. I have been at Kaplan courses every Mon/Wed night. I have vision therapy every Wed. Afternoon. I am ATTEMPTING to clean my room. I'm still exhausted / fatigued (hence all the doctors), so I sleep a lot. I have been mowing the lawn, and running up to Miami to acquire books of all sorts. I'm trying to do my Kaplan homework. I'm doing my research. And I'm trying desperately to talk to someone who said she'd talk to me two weeks ago and still refuses to answer IMs. >.< Now that one's frustrating.

Got a shot today. That was less than fun. But, I'll be healthier for it in the long run! Stuff like that I'm willing to deal with the pain for. With the world we live in today... yeeeah. I'll take the vaccine. I have two more doses to take - one in July, then one 6 mos from then.

I went to a butterfly show on Thursday. Did you know 23, 24 year old men act like 3 year olds when they're around butterflies and left to their own devices? Seriously! I felt like I was babysitting them both! But it was tons of fun -- I can babysit those types of kids. ;)

I'll put up pictures here soon -- I need to upload them all first. Two nights ago I went outside to take pictures of the moon and Venus (riiight next to each other - it was beautiful!) I had my regular camera, so it wasn't digital and had a telescopic lense. I then went to the corner of the street to take pictures -- and scared the neighbors. Not sure if they thought I was a cat burglar or what... but he came out and we chatted for a while. You know how scary I look with my camera! Yarr! Fear me! I should have good pictures though, once I get them developed.

So the latest doctor thought I was just seriously depressed. Am I? I'm only 'depressed' about one thing, and I can't fix that until the reason decides to talk with me. And I can figure stuff out. But besides being incredibly depressed about missing my friend that I angered last semester and she won't let me try to fix it.... I didn't think I was THAT depressed. I didn't really like that doctor anyways.

Okay, off to respond to the newspaper people, and then off to another annoying, irritating, infuriating class at Kaplan. Tata!


OHOHOH. Just came in. MIDNIGHT SHOWING FOR PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN WITH BETH AND NICK! And possibly Ben S. too!

Other Updates

Campus was filled with police today. -shiver- It was kinda weird... I'm not used to noticing them. But I saw two pairs of cops walking around, and everywhere I looked there was a police car/SUV in sight. I think just walking from Millett to Upham I came across four different police vehicles and two sets of cops. (For non-Miami peeps, that's about a 10 minute walk... down a street and across a two lane state highway. Two roads doesn't usually account for many cop cars.) It was surreal. Usually the cops don't have many visible weapons on them. Today... -shiver- They had guns today. Mace, guns, batons, whole shebang. I mean that much just doesn't really happen around sleepy Oxford. So yeah... just kinda surreal. We'll see if there's that much around tomorrow morning when I go back to Upham.


Other news. Early Saturday morning a 19 year old Miami girl was found dead on the train tracks around 3:30am, after a train had unknowingly hit her at 1:45 that morning. Didn't even know. Second train that comes through is the one that noticed her. She was drunk as hell. Blood alcohol level was .299. Seriously now. I know it's not nice to speak ill of the dead, but seriously now. That's just stupid. Kinda like having a memorial to kids who died in a house fire that THEY STARTED and were too drunk to notice, and tampered with all safty precautions. I'm sorry she's dead, but that's what you get for being irresponsible. Those trains blow their whistles quite loud - I can hear them with my windows closed, fan on, over a mile away. It's horrible she's dead - she sounds like she was a really cool girl. But add this to my mile-long list of reasons why more than one drink is a really really bad idea. And that even one is questionable if you're not home with people you're safe with. I know I don't trust many people here to help me if I were drunk - school's not a good place for that stuff. I think Mike and Jordan are the only two people I trust to you know, get me home in one piece if I were ever stupid enough to get drunk. (Ha, right. I still have a bottle of mead in my fridge I need to finish. I've had it all semester. Hrm.)

I'm thinking I can get Jordan to do some more RPing with me and finish a story we started. I started reading old ones of mine and Nic's - damn they were good. I'm sure they still could be, but she'd have to respond to me first... >.< And that looks like that'll never happen again... -groans and holds head- We still have one that was just getting good and started... I wish she wasn't so mad at me, and just civilly talk things out. Somewhere ... we got wires crossed. But it's kinda hard to uncross them from one side. Nicky, if you DO ever read this, please, just talk to me one day. Please. I'm begging you. I can't ever get ahold of you, so please. One day. Please just talk to me. I want to work things out. I miss talking to you and telling you some really cool things that I know would make you laugh, or things that only you'd get cuz you just know me that well. Please Nicky.


Other, hopefully happier news. Friday night I'm going to Colonel Stohry's house for dinner with a few other people. Smart casual - my new black pants sure have come in handy! I'm really excited. Col. Stohry's so cool. And the guys that'll be there are too. So I'll pack before I go there, then drive home afterwards. The Smiths are coming in for the weekend, so who knows if they'll get home before or after me. I haven't seen them in a year or so, at least. I'm always gone when they're here, and I don't go to Indy much anymore, so don't see them there. I'm reffing Saturday at Kings @ 10am. Quite excited. Okay not really, but it's money. I also have a paper due Friday, as well as the chore of getting all my decorations down.... yeeeah you know how much time that is for me? Took forever getting those blasted things ON the walls....

Okay, I need sleep. Good night, sweet dreams, peace out.

Ghosts

Steph will understand.

I'm freaking out right now. I was stupid and looked at SciFi to see what was on. Happened to be Ghost Hunter. I hate the supernatural and ghost stuff, but I'm hooked and freaking out at the same time. I hate it but can't stop watching. And I'm remembering freshman year when she played all those stupid online things that freaked me out to no end. Cept this time I can't blame her. AND have no one to get the creepies out of my head.


On a different note.

Went walking today. Well ran tons of errands. Walked all over campus. Went to the CAS department, made sure my DARS was good to go. Then talked to some freshies about scheduling ideas. Then talked to Prof Cayton about my summer program. Then went to the med center to get bills and bloodwork results. Then went to the study abroad office, was there for about two hours talking to advisors and looking up info. Then sat on some stairs and watched people walk in front of cars, jeeps almost hit buses, buses almost hit motorcyclists, bikers almost hitting walkers, walkers really not giving a damn, girls who need to wear more clothes, guys who I wouldn't mind if they weren't wearing as many clothes, etc. Jordan dropped by and talked for a while, then went walking around campus for about another hour before coming back. I miss my Steph. This was her type of day. :)


PS. The squirrels are in a bad mood again. Yelling at me and throwing stuff at random passerbys. Sweetness.