Update!

So. Cristina (Starry) is coming in from NY tomorrow afternoon. We're headed up to Dayton to pick her up. YAY! Hope she doesn't freak out when she sees my rooms. :P We both have summer work to do, so that's good. We can both enjoy the joys of summer homework together. She'll be here tomorrow around 1, and we'll take her back to the airport early early next Wed. morning.

We're gonna at least meet up with Beth on Friday for Harry Potter 7. Hopefully Daniel will come. (Not Radcliffe, sorry. MY Daniel, from school.) Hoping for a great evening!

Okay, back to cleaning. I really need to study, but I also need to clean clean clean. And call Prof. Cayton tomorrow. And and and and and and.......... soooo much needs to be done. I'm in panic mode. ;)

Okay. That's all for now. Hopefully Cris and I will put up photos later. And you can see all the fun we're having, and making you wish you were partying in Cincy as well!


(Mike. Steph. Gonna introduce her to Skyline at some point. Muahahahahaha.)


(Mike. Again. Yes, you. Whatcha doing Aug. 17th? It's the Friday before classes start. Let me know via email -- I have a question for you.)


Pirates to you all!

In case anyone is wondering...

... I've not been ignoring you. Well, I have, but it's not because of you.

I'm currently swamped, and I mean swamped, with work. Cristina is coming in next Thursday till the following Wednesday morning, and (PLEASE don't get me wrong) I'm suuuuuper excited about this, but I have so much to do! I feel horrible that I have sooo much work to do while she's here visiting! But my pirates project is due by Aug 10. 25 pages of essay, finished, and a display case. The draft isn't even written yet, not on a computer. It's continually revised in my head, but I still have to physically write it down.

But I'm swamped. And I'm not feeling very good. Which isn't helping. And I found out last night I'm incredibly, INCREDIBLY allergic to Jasmine. She happened to have found my pillow as a good bed yesterday, and when I went to bed, I couldn't breath, and my eyes were itching like none other. I never realized I was so allergic to them -- but I've had continually worse allergies since we got them. I thought it was just me. No, its my cat.


And oh so busy! I'm so sorry if people are getting mad at me for ignoring their IMs or being short (word wise, smart alecks), I'm just honestly too busy to talk. And if I do talk -- be prepared that it'll be me either stressing out or freaking out. :-P Just to warn y'all.

Okay back to work. Toodles!

Go for it.

Laugh at me. Make fun of me. Mock me. I don't give a damn.

I don't have many friends. I don't want them. You know why?

All they do is cause pain deeper than anything a stranger can do.

The more they know you, the deeper they know you, the closer they are to you, the more they're going to rip out your heart and cut it into pieces.

Now I remember why it takes me years to trust someone. Because then... then I assume they're not going to tear me to pieces. How ever wrong could I be. Those closest to you are the most likely to betray you. Kill you piece by piece.

Why did I ever learn to trust? WHY do people insist trying to teach that 'virtue'. It's meant to be broken.

One of the two people I trusted with my heart made broke it. So go on, laugh or mock me.

By time I read the comments or hear the words, my heart will be harder than stone.

It's safer that way.

Never did I think I'd feel what it meant to be 'broken hearted' because I never intended to let some guy break my heart -- I never intended to date anyone that I didn't think I could potentially continue to deal with and live with in ten, twenty years. Instead, I managed to have it torn in pieces by a friend I once knew, I thought decently well.

Damn it.





Damn it.

So go on, mock me. Mock the fact I'm a cold-hearted jerk. Mock the fact that I am friends with only a few.

Go for it.



But when I'm famous, and have these awesome fantasy books out on the best-sellers lists, when I'm teaching at that perfect school, when I'm famous and on TV, remember this:

I'm there and you aren't. Because that's all I can look after, really. Me, myself, and I. Because chances are, you'll ditch me too.

Just like everyone else.





Damn it all to hell.


Why? WHY?





Damn it all.

Other Updates

Campus was filled with police today. -shiver- It was kinda weird... I'm not used to noticing them. But I saw two pairs of cops walking around, and everywhere I looked there was a police car/SUV in sight. I think just walking from Millett to Upham I came across four different police vehicles and two sets of cops. (For non-Miami peeps, that's about a 10 minute walk... down a street and across a two lane state highway. Two roads doesn't usually account for many cop cars.) It was surreal. Usually the cops don't have many visible weapons on them. Today... -shiver- They had guns today. Mace, guns, batons, whole shebang. I mean that much just doesn't really happen around sleepy Oxford. So yeah... just kinda surreal. We'll see if there's that much around tomorrow morning when I go back to Upham.


Other news. Early Saturday morning a 19 year old Miami girl was found dead on the train tracks around 3:30am, after a train had unknowingly hit her at 1:45 that morning. Didn't even know. Second train that comes through is the one that noticed her. She was drunk as hell. Blood alcohol level was .299. Seriously now. I know it's not nice to speak ill of the dead, but seriously now. That's just stupid. Kinda like having a memorial to kids who died in a house fire that THEY STARTED and were too drunk to notice, and tampered with all safty precautions. I'm sorry she's dead, but that's what you get for being irresponsible. Those trains blow their whistles quite loud - I can hear them with my windows closed, fan on, over a mile away. It's horrible she's dead - she sounds like she was a really cool girl. But add this to my mile-long list of reasons why more than one drink is a really really bad idea. And that even one is questionable if you're not home with people you're safe with. I know I don't trust many people here to help me if I were drunk - school's not a good place for that stuff. I think Mike and Jordan are the only two people I trust to you know, get me home in one piece if I were ever stupid enough to get drunk. (Ha, right. I still have a bottle of mead in my fridge I need to finish. I've had it all semester. Hrm.)

I'm thinking I can get Jordan to do some more RPing with me and finish a story we started. I started reading old ones of mine and Nic's - damn they were good. I'm sure they still could be, but she'd have to respond to me first... >.< And that looks like that'll never happen again... -groans and holds head- We still have one that was just getting good and started... I wish she wasn't so mad at me, and just civilly talk things out. Somewhere ... we got wires crossed. But it's kinda hard to uncross them from one side. Nicky, if you DO ever read this, please, just talk to me one day. Please. I'm begging you. I can't ever get ahold of you, so please. One day. Please just talk to me. I want to work things out. I miss talking to you and telling you some really cool things that I know would make you laugh, or things that only you'd get cuz you just know me that well. Please Nicky.


Other, hopefully happier news. Friday night I'm going to Colonel Stohry's house for dinner with a few other people. Smart casual - my new black pants sure have come in handy! I'm really excited. Col. Stohry's so cool. And the guys that'll be there are too. So I'll pack before I go there, then drive home afterwards. The Smiths are coming in for the weekend, so who knows if they'll get home before or after me. I haven't seen them in a year or so, at least. I'm always gone when they're here, and I don't go to Indy much anymore, so don't see them there. I'm reffing Saturday at Kings @ 10am. Quite excited. Okay not really, but it's money. I also have a paper due Friday, as well as the chore of getting all my decorations down.... yeeeah you know how much time that is for me? Took forever getting those blasted things ON the walls....

Okay, I need sleep. Good night, sweet dreams, peace out.

Ghosts

Steph will understand.

I'm freaking out right now. I was stupid and looked at SciFi to see what was on. Happened to be Ghost Hunter. I hate the supernatural and ghost stuff, but I'm hooked and freaking out at the same time. I hate it but can't stop watching. And I'm remembering freshman year when she played all those stupid online things that freaked me out to no end. Cept this time I can't blame her. AND have no one to get the creepies out of my head.


On a different note.

Went walking today. Well ran tons of errands. Walked all over campus. Went to the CAS department, made sure my DARS was good to go. Then talked to some freshies about scheduling ideas. Then talked to Prof Cayton about my summer program. Then went to the med center to get bills and bloodwork results. Then went to the study abroad office, was there for about two hours talking to advisors and looking up info. Then sat on some stairs and watched people walk in front of cars, jeeps almost hit buses, buses almost hit motorcyclists, bikers almost hitting walkers, walkers really not giving a damn, girls who need to wear more clothes, guys who I wouldn't mind if they weren't wearing as many clothes, etc. Jordan dropped by and talked for a while, then went walking around campus for about another hour before coming back. I miss my Steph. This was her type of day. :)


PS. The squirrels are in a bad mood again. Yelling at me and throwing stuff at random passerbys. Sweetness.

Been a while, no?

Eh well. Almost all of you know what's been going on, and that's good enough. So I don't really know why I'm posting this. THe only person that doesn't know what's going on is refusing to talk to me (court's in her hands now, then again, most of you knew that too). So yeah. Right now: sick as hell, spent 7 hours in a parking lot because my car died yesterday, spent about 18 hours in Lenscrafters over the last two weekends, unable to read or see, and wishing someone got over her own damn pride and would talk to me.

Guess she answered my questions though. Like, where I stand. Apparently nowhere.

Thanks Steph, Leigh, Mike, Jordan, Ben M., Ben H., etc... nice to have people to listen and talk to.




Why is someone shooting rockets from right above my room.... I know it's right above my room cuz it's loud, smokey, and I can see the smoke coming from the room down to mine, and it smells like fireworks smoke... ich. I don't want my room blown up.

Oh, and dad got me some cute teddies for V-day. :D

Okay, well, I'll talk to most of you soon. As always, you can catch me online.

Title-less

People are still incredibly infuriating. I can't believe this people. Seriously. I must have a love of being walked all over the way things are going. I don't know why I even try anymore.



Other news.

Been up till about four each morning this week, working on proposals, abstracts, presentations, 'quizzes', papers, and handouts. Frustrated, very frustrated. I have a second chance to send in a proposal to the USNA History Symposium, due by noon tomorrow. I'm excited. I highly doubt it'll lead anywhere, but I sure as hell hope it does. The proposal for this symposium is the same as what I'm doing for my aerospace studies capstone. I sure hope this works.... Should also know by the end of the month if I'm in the summer scholars program this summer or not.... -prays to anything that's out there- I'd say you'd all be the first to know, but yeah, seeing as how most of you either aren't talking to me or manage to catch me when I'm stressed to the max, you probably won't know for a while, until I get around to posting. Unless your online and speaking to me. Then I'll probably remember to tell you. Yeah I'm a bit bitter right now. Two hours of sleep a day and only two people taking time to listen to me and take stress into consideration does that to a girl. Thanks boys, I needed to yell. Thanks for listening. You know who you are.


(Capstone Proposal)

Proposal Title: Life of Confederate Marines During the American Civil War
Proposed by: (me)
Miami University

I propose to write a scholarly essay over what life was like for a Confederate Marine during the American Civil War. I will explore all aspects of how the Confederate Marines lived and what they achieved during the Civil War. I will use journals from Confederate Marines as well as primary documentation about Marines of the time which are not written by Marines themselves.


Abstract:

Life was different for Confederate States Marine Corps (CSMC) than for their Union counterparts. Unlike their Union counterparts, who had been established since 1798, the CSMC was not established until March 16, 1861, and there were never more than 539 registered CSMC Marines, whereas the United States Marine Corps (USMC) had thousands of men at their disposal throughout the war, having retained many of the Corps that existed before the war. Confederate Marines made less money with longer required enlistment than did any other branch of the military. They often got the last of the goods given to the different branches of the military, and had to overcome obstacles that larger branches did not have to worry about. However, even lacking benefits given to other, larger branches of the Confederate military, the CSMC acquired a reputation for being amazing combatants and excellent at making ends meet. Their uniforms and equipment were different than that of the USMC, trading out the US uniforms and equipment for a more British style and appearance. The USMC first got to prove themselves during the battle of the CSS Virginia against the USS Monitor, and were called to perform many special operations afterwards and throughout the war. Although many records were destroyed after the war, the CSMC continued to retain its reputation as one of the best of the time, even after they were disbanded.

Frustrations

People frustrate me. What is it about getting a significant other that pushes all your old friends away? Why do you push away people you've known one, three, five, eight years longer than you've known your newest infatuation or something? I don't get it. I don't get why it's the girls that push away their older friends as soon as they get a boyfriend. Guys don't seem to do that, so why do girls? How come all the girls I know push me away as soon as they're with the current love of their life, but the guys just act like nothings really different and talk to me same as they used to? Why can't more people be like those guys? I mean, they're there with you side by side when things are going well for you both, and bad for you both. Girls push friends away when things are going well for them - I don't know how they expect people to still be there for them when things go to hell later on. Why should I be there when someone is having a shitty day, when they've pushed me away when things were going well for them? Doesn't make sense why I'd still be around to listen or talk then. I wanna be friends with people when they're happy AND sad, not just when they need that shoulder to lean on. Which I find is what people seem to want me there for. I'm sorry, but I'm just getting hurt one too many times to put up with this any longer. With five of my friends pushing me away as soon as they got a boyfriend, my caring is fading quickly. I mean if you can't make time for me when things are going well on your end, I don't have time to be there for you when it falls apart in front of your eyes. This isn't directed at one or two of you individually, this isn't an attack. But a few of you, I think, know you're the ones adding to my lack of caring. Just think about it from other angles, won't you?

I'm so confused and lost as to what to do. I don't get it; I don't understand. :-\


Oh yeah, and thanks boys, for being there to talk to. When you have a girlfriend and when you don't, when you're happy and when your sad, both.